I know it's been some time I updated this space and I apologize first cause I'm back to rant hahaha.
What's new right?
So school has been hectic as usual but the stress is different this time round. It isn't the type of I-can-handle stress but more of a I-really-don't-know-what-to-do kind of stress. Just today, this morning, I already felt (some sort of) a setback, my works are not reflective of the effort put in, I feel demoralised rather than motivated and I even wondered what am I gearing towards. First time in uni that I've ever felt this way and it really sucks cause I love school so much. The feeling of lost, confusion and helplessness is so overwhelming I almost cried on the way back home. I didn't even feel motivated to hurry home to bind my books due for submission the next day. I really do hope this isn't about me not being good enough, it is just so depressing. I need to fast forward to January.
Been spending some time reading up blogs after book binding (my books look hideous, I really feel very sad) and Chevonne's post on Things I Want To Ask Your Boyfriend caught my attention.
“1. Are her lips like the hot chocolate your mother made
during the winter months when you were seven? Or have you not tasted her well enough to find the fine granules of cocoa that lightly come with each kiss?
2. Do you know her favorite songs? Not when she is happy, but when she is sad. What music reaches inside her ribcage and softly consoles her heart?
3. When she is sad, are you on the phone or are you at her door? Words do not wipe away tears, fingers do.
4. Do you know all the things that keep her up at night? Do you know why she has gone three days without sleep? Do you know of the insurmountable waves of sadness that wash over her like a tsunami?
5. Do you know the things to say that will calm her heartbeat? The places to touch? The places to love?
6. Everytime you see her do you kiss her like it’s the last time but love her like it’s the first?
7. Do you love her?
8. Do you love her?”
And this made me think of us, how well do we really know each other.
But enough of this emotions, there's too much negativity in here.
Maybe a game of candy crush and sleep will do me good, after all I forgotten when was the last time I slept before 2am.
x