Back here again but thankfully not to rant this time round. School is treating me fine (for now, I think). FYP has kickstarted and we're in stage 1 of coming up with a concise topic so yeah, all's well and I just need to do more research, read more, and fine tune my topic. 

Been going around on and off joining bae for his photoshoots while I have the time. Sometimes after classes, sometimes on days when I don't have school. Flexible timing is both good and bad I feel, but most of the time it's a good thing la. In the beginning I felt damn terrible whenever he says he won't be free from this date to that date, but then it was also kind of a relief that he's working hard with nicholas and that they have jobs coming in. Slowly I convinced myself that all these are part and parcel of setting up the company and to get it going. And most times I just have to bear till evening to put my misery away because I know I'm one day closer to seeing him again :) so I'm very please that I survived 2 weeks of his high key reservist! (even though he cheated cause he kept finding opportunities to book out lol) 

Went to fetch him after he ended his work at MBS today (lololol as if I picked him up in a car). The guys were shooting for the STGCC event which neither him nor I had been to before. Dinner was perfect because we satisfied our long time craving for bbq stingray and sambal kangkong + the long carefree walk towards Satay by The Bay provided us enough personal/quality time together. It's the F1 weekend next week already (so fast!), I hope the boy will be free enough to bring me to the event! After all, it's somehow a yearly thing we have been doing since we got together hehe.

I'm finally back to clear the thick layer of dust on this space. 

It's been way too long since my last entry but y'know, they say no news is good news, so yeah! I was just busy getting on with life haha.

Internship was a good choice to kill time this holidays. I learnt plenty and it somehow guided me and inspired me to work harder for my own brand. I'm absolutely thankful and lucky to have met colleagues who click well with me, nice bosses who didn't make me work OT, as well as being well paid too. Without internship I would have wasted my time everyday doing nothing. 

The boy and I were so excited for my internship to be over! Spent the past week after internship with him, running all around Singapore hunting for Legos. And playing with our birdies. Speaking of which, it's about time to trim their wings soon. Seriously, our relationship is just all about eating and shopping, and sleeping and nuaing. Am so glad our relationship thus far has been a smooth-sailing one, but perhaps it's time for some planning to be done for the future? *hint hint* 

The girls and I have also been in contact more often nowadays, meeting for impromptu dinners etc and crashing N's place to spend time and play with Belle. This little furball is really everyone's kai xin guo. Suddenly feeling appreciative of the past experiences for shaping who we are now. True friends are indeed hard to come by :')

Really hope I can go a staycation soon before school starts, I need a fresh mind before I starting working and researching for fyp (can't imagine and believe it's really happening ugh). Till then, more fun and sleep shouldn't hurt right? ;)

A conversation with the sister last night was comforting - something I missed very badly due to our busy lives. Things felt different recently, I'm beginning to see things more plainly and reading into tiniest things, which is not a good sign cause I'm feeling more emotional as a result. It's saddening how a person gets taken for granted once you open up yourself entirely to the person to love. How laziness will kick in and knock on your loved one's door and things become stale. Not that this isn't normal, I mean it's common to see how relationships have different stages as time passes. And we're supposedly way past the honeymoon period - which I accept. But when only a party tries to make time and still care for the other party, things gets tiring. 

Sometimes I wished I am less emotional. That I don't cry that easily. I wish I have more courage to speak my mind when I need to, rather than playing guessing games cause 80% of the time guessing games don't work. 

It boils down to settling down for a proper conversation.

Later. 

Another read from Thought Catalog. 

"I want that look. You know the one I’m talking about. That look that pierces you and makes you nervous and terrified and happy all at the same time.

I want that feeling that when you look at me, somehow you only see me. You don’t see that one hair that never is in the right place on my head, you don’t see the dark circles under my eyes that are clear indications that I totally ignored your advice and stayed up way later than I should have, you don’t even see that gorgeous girl sitting right behind me that I instantly hated the minute she walked in.

I want that look that says that you have dated other girls and kissed other mouths and looked at countless other girls, but the only one you want to be looking at, the only mouth you want to see smile, the only eyes you want to memorize the colors of are mine.

I want to look into your brown eyes and see you thinking of the future. A future where the both of us are happy. No matter what we do or where we end up, I want to see a future where the two of us are together and happy when I look into your eyes. I want the look that says, “I would give anything to jump across this table and kiss you right now.” A look that screams, “I want you.”

I want that look that makes me smile my big stupid grin, the grin I hate but that you say you love. The look that makes me feel like as if I were to turn away right now, I know I would still feel you looking at me.

I want the look that I will never get tired of. I want that look that doesn’t make me feel weird about feeling like as if I am giving you the same look. I want my look to be reflected back at me, but only 100 times cuter and way sexier from you. I want that look so that I can know that you are the only one I want to ever look at again."

It's his convocation today and I can't be more proud of my man,

Happy Graduation boo! 

I'll definitely miss the times we spent in school, from fetching me to school in many different cars to secretly meeting for lunch/shoots/projects to participating in the recent ADM FOCs. I'm thankful for having met you in/through school. I'm also thankful the creators of Candy Crush, who gave you the chance to build up the courage to talk to me on fb. School life won't be the same without you from now on, but I promise I'll work as hard, even harder, to be the graphic designer/editor I'm striving to be. Now's the time for you to earn lots of money so we can work towards a better future together :) 

xoxo, love you!

It's been a suffocating July, I'll explain why in another post but today I'm sharing another Thought Catalog article againnnn. Enjoy reading loved ones. 

BE A GOOD MAN, BECAUSE A WOMAN WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU TREAT HER

Jenessa Michele

Too many of you say that women do not really want a nice guy. You firmly believe from your bad experiences that most women actually enjoy being treated badly. I can assure you this is not true. 

Your words and your actions can have effects on a woman that will last her a lifetime. That cruel comment you made about her mother, that day you were so angry you called her out of her name, those times you ignored her for no reason at all, the times you chose not to text or call and decided your friends were more important than she was, the times you didn’t open her car door, or walk her to her front door like a lady, she carries those in her mind. And she carries them over to the next man.

Women remember every nice thing you do or say in the same way they remember every pitiless thing.

When you are good to a woman — even if it ends for whatever reason — she will always remember you. You may never know that, but she will. She will think about the way you made her laugh or the way you dried her tears. She will remember the way she could speak to you for hours. She will remember that you made her feel like a woman, that even when she was wrong, you still made her feel like a woman. You will be the standard for all of the men in her life that follow. If they can’t compete with you or do better, they become bottom of the barrel. You are the man whose shoes no one has yet to outshine. Continue to be that man because there is a woman who is going to adore you and appreciate you for everything you are worth.

A woman may choose to stay with a man who treats her badly because she fell in love with him during a time when he was pretending to be pleasant (somewhere in the beginning stages of their relationship). However, she won’t last with a man who is malicious for the rest of her life. Over time, every mean or hurtful thing that man does will begin to build up inside of her like boiling water.

That woman who was once in love and who once catered to her man’s every whim will begin to fall out of love. She will become less caring, and less nurturing. Her heart will grow colder. He won’t see it, not until it is too late. He is blind and will continue to mistreat her. An ignorant man will seal his own fate. He will think its okay to treat his woman this way. She loves him so she is sure to stay. That man has no idea that his woman has an icy storm brewing inside of her heart. Where love once lived is a heart now torn apart. She loves him so much or so he believes. He knows she will stay, but what he chooses not to see is her mind has already broken away.

So you have an option. Treat your women right or don’t, but when you end up alone and can’t figure out what was the matter just remember that woman whose heart you shattered.

You can never take away the words you said. They will live with her until the day she is dead. So watch your words and be kind, not cruel, or you may end up sad and lonely.

There is only so much one heart can handle; only so much one girl can handle before she breaks.

Most women truly do not want much. It isn’t a lot to send her a good morning text. It isn’t a lot to call her on your free time. It isn’t a lot to take her out on dates and spend one on one time with her. It isn’t a lot to watch your mouth. It isn’t a lot to treat her like a woman. She will love and adore you for it.

There is a saying that whatever you give a woman she will give you ten times more. That saying couldn’t be truer. So if you want to be adored, and spoiled and loved, you must stop being vicious, selfish, and rude.

Nice guys do not finish last. Truly nice guys get the girl in the end. At the end of the day, no matter how much money you make or how many muscles you have, a woman looking for real love is going to find her worth, along with a man who deserves her. Your money will be spent, and your looks are sure to go, but if you have a good heart, love can flourish. So be the nice guy or risk losing your women to men who are far better than you ever could be.

This does not mean that you allow yourselves to be treated badly either, but it means opening your heart to good women. It means being a compromising person. It means being forgiving, and nurturing… the kind of man who would make a good husband and father. Do not be a doormat for a woman who does not appreciate you; however, if your woman loves and adores you, be kind because if you don’t, you will lose her in the end.

Not sure how you guys feel about the article but somehow I identified some people around me facing the various problems highlighted in it. Reflection time again I suppose? 

Will be back with a proper post next time, xoxo.

Scrolling through Thought Catalog as usual and learnt -

Why You Should Cry Today 

The proverb “What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.” is one that I live by. Crying helps to clean your soul, and release any pent up emotion that can otherwise be really unhealthy when kept harbored. Nowadays, too many folks are afraid to cry or show emotion. They think it makes them look weak or defeated, when in actuality, it’s a sign of strength. A sign of realization. A sign of being human.

I’ve suffered a great deal of personal loss in my life, with losing my mother as a kid and losing someone who I thought I was going to marry. If it’s one thing I’ve learned from both of those occurrences, as well as every other stressful moment in between, it’s that crying is a way for your body to say “Guess what? You’re still alive. You made it. Good job, pal.” Every time I cried, I immediately felt better when it was all said and done. When my cheeks were stained with black streaks from my mascara and my tissue box was completely empty. That’s when I felt better. I felt whole again. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It’s fucking awesome.

Have you ever had a moment in your life, when something as small as a cup falling over occurs, and you Lose. Your. Shit. Or Sally from HR accidentally puts the wrong date on a document and you silently plot her demise? It’s not the cup that pissed you off, nor is it Sally. It’s those feelings that you might try and keep caged up, not wanting to acknowledge what is going on in your life at the moment, but instead trying to act totally numb.

Quite personally, I think you should cry today. Not because I want you to be sad, but because I want you to release all of those emotions you have been building up. Whether unintentionally and whether good or bad, give yourself a good 5 minute crying session. Of course crying won’t pay the bills you have stacking up on your kitchen counter, or make your ex suddenly love you again, but it will help your mental health. And in the end, that’s your most important asset of em’ all.

- - - - - 

Made me realize I was right all along, for letting the tears fall when they should, for containing it back will make me feel even worse. And it's true that you immediately feel better after bawling your eyes out. Some may just feel that it's just a 2 week separation for holiday, why the big issue? Well it is a huge issue for us, for it's the longest period we've been apart ever since we were as one. 
But now, I've seen the light and instead of crying why isn't he back yet, I'm looking forward to the day he's back so I can fetch him from the airport. 

The realization hit me, in a couple of waves: 
First, a friend's sad blog post on her soon-to-be long distance relationship because of her studies. Which is something very much more serious compared to my lonely two weeks. I can't imagine myself being in a LDR, I could possibly die. Really. 
Then there's this Thought Catalog article and the title of today's post - Ed Sheeran's All Of The Stars, one of the movie track song from The Fault In Our Stars (which I've yet to catch but I'm already addicted to the song.)

You're on the other side

As the skyline splits in two

I'm miles away from seeing you

I can see the stars

From America

I wonder, do you see them, too?

So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

And all of the lights will lead

Into the night with me

And I know these scars will bleed

But both of our hearts believe

All of these stars will guide us home

- - - - - 

How not to fall in love with you when you never fail to put a smile on my face, even when you're more than a hundred miles away. Now all I can think of is how to get to the airport by 5am in the morning so I will be the first one to welcome you home :)