Whatever shit.

I shouldn't even exist at all. Merely wasting your hard earned money, precious time and effort, letting all these go down the drain cause I'm just that useless. Sorry for making your blood boil every time you see my face because you're already so irritated by my existence. I'm not a clever child, neither am I a docile one. I can't meet up to your expectations be it in daily life or in education. I'm always not perfect enough for you, always repeating the same mistakes you told me not to make, always not heeding your advice, always wanting to rebel. I don't know what did I do wrong to make you so pissed at me, and believe me, I really want to make it up to you. It hurts to see you so troubled everyday. It hurts when you are the closest person on earth to me, yet we do not behave so. It hurts when the whole family is at fault, because we didn't treat you right, didn't live up to your expectations. Yes what you ask for is really very simple, but yet I don't know why I just can't do it. I cry because I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel stress. I'm really tired of living this way. Sorry if you think that I'm useless, but at least I am happy being like that. Maybe I should get used to the life you hope I would be living like, or maybe be more useful in life. Frankly speaking, I always thought that my life is better than others, I don't have relationship problems to deal with, nothing much else to worry about. But maybe I am the biggest problem of all? I don't have much friends to rely on, don't have the family I hope I have, don't have the financial ability to prove my strength and capabilities, don't even have a pathetic stand to hold or courage to rebut when I am fighting for what I wanted. I should just fight to be the daughter that'll make you proud, so that no more comparing would be done. It fucking hurts to see this family being broken up into pieces. It fucking troubles me why things don't work out. I hate the way my life is, and I hate myself.






Maybe I'm just a coward. Maybe I should be leading a much more simpler life.
I never thought living would be this tough and tiring. Really.